


if you ran away (come back home)

by timetogetupsunshine



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Civil War Fix-It, M/M, Post Civil War, Steve Rogers Feels, SteveTony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-02 06:40:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17259434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timetogetupsunshine/pseuds/timetogetupsunshine
Summary: To his credit, Steve barely reacted when he woke.Steve was used to getting nightmares, he couldn’t remember a time since he woke up that they hadn’t been haunting him.And then there was Tony.





	if you ran away (come back home)

Captain America.

_Water. Cold._

A hero to the world.

_Choking. Suffocating._

A symbol to the nation.

_Drowning._

The story of Captain America is one of honour,

_‘I have to put her in the water,’_

Bravery,

_‘We’ll have them play something slow.’_

And sacrifice.

_‘I’d hate to step on your-‘_

 

 

To his credit, Steve barely reacted when he woke. Despite the beads of sweat gathering on his forehead, and the echo of Bucky’s screams as he plummeted downwards-

Steve was fine. He was always fine. It was fine that he slept just over 3 hours a night. It was fine that he still heard Peggy’s voice when he shut his eyes. It was fine that he left his entire life behind when he hit the ice, people, memories, stories. They were all gone. And it was _fine._

 

It took a while for him to remember everything after coming out of the ice. The first thing was that Sarah Rogers used to take Steve’s hands in hers on the coldest nights, whispering stories and fairytales about the future that she would swear would come true. People, all people, would be happy. Steve wouldn’t be alone. Someone would love him with everything they had, and he would love them too. She promised. 

Nothing about those stories was true, Steve was starting to realise. People were still dying, children were starving, families were homeless, and Steve was still lonely. He tried not to think about how everything he fought so hard to end had returned in much more depth. And if he had to fight even harder now to fulfil his mission from the war? Well, that was fine too.

 

But then there was Tony.  
Tony Stark, who wasn’t just fine, but a whirlwind of sarcasm and humour and everything Steve needed to distract him from how shit his life was. They never seemed to stop arguing, but that was okay. They made it work somehow. Steve didn’t mind fighting as long as he had someone to talk to. As long as he wasn’t lonely. Regardless of the fact that they were polar opposites- a futurist, and a man from the past (ironic, really) - Steve found himself needing to be near him. His presence was incredibly frustrating, but it was a constant reminder that Steve could feel anything other than loss, since the ice.

Occasionally, Steve forgot that he wasn’t speaking to Howard, resulting in him lashing out at the one correspondence between his old life and his new one- _Why couldn’t he just be like Howard? Why couldn’t he be the one thing Steve recognised anymore?_

But Tony was **nothing** like Howard. He was intelligent where Howard was ignorant, generous where Howard was selfish, and kind where Howard was cold, no matter how much he tried to hide it. Which was one of the first things Steve noticed about the other man- why try so hard to conceal what’s so great about you? He asked Tony, about it, once. 

 

_“Tony?” Steve called cautiously, looking up at Tony where he was seated on a kitchen stool, voice low so as not to attract the attention of other team members in the living room._  
_Tony placed his tablet down on the counter, directing his attention at Steve, who suddenly felt uncomfortable under the man’s focus._  
_“What’s up, Cap?” He prompted, when Steve stared in silence._  
_Eventually, Steve disregarded whether or not he was phrasing it in the best way, and bit the bullet._

__

_“You’re a good man.” Steve kept talking when Tony raised a slightly irritated eyebrow, clearly realising where this conversation was going. “So why do you-“_

__

_“Stop.” He shook his head incredulously, straightening his posture. “What is it with you and Pepper, constantly trying to get me to talk about feelings?”_

__

_He cut Steve off with a wave of his hand when Steve opened his mouth to protest._

__

_“Look. I’m not a fan of you trying to psychoanalyse me. I am the way I am. I won’t change. Can we leave it at that?”_

__

_That’s when Steve first noticed the red circles around Tony’s eyes that hadn’t been there before. The clear exhaustion, painted onto the other man’s face along with stress and anxiety. He realised that Tony was putting on a mask. Why? That was none of his business. But maybe it was because he was lonely too._

__

_And that’s when Steve thought- maybe...maybe Tony needed to be around him as-well._

 

So a friendship formed, albeit an odd one, based around arguments that weren’t really about the argument and smiles that said far too much to be platonic. Tony knew Steve inside out, and Steve knew Tony, too. It was established by everyone around them that they were in love. Steve and Tony knew it too, that the two of them ending up together was inevitable. 

 

Steve could remember the _morning after_ vividly.

_The sunlight flooded in through the blinds early in the morning; too early. Steve rubbed at his eye idly, before it hit him- this wasn’t his bed. His bed wasn’t this soft, and he usually slept with way more pillows than he was then. Still too tired to open his eyes, he moved slightly, deciding to bask in the comfort while he had it._

__

_“Morning, gorgeous,” a familiar voice whispered, fondness seeping into their tone._

__

_Tone._

__

_**Tony.** _

__

_“Ti amo tanto. I love you,”_

__

_Steve recognised the other man’s voice as he muttered phrases, alternating between English and Italian._

__

_“Sei perfetto. Così perfetto.”_

__

_Steve smiled, recognising it as a compliment, cracking open an eye. Tony was resting on one elbow, the other arm raised as he swept his fingers through Steve’s hair. There were lines imprinted on his cheek from where he’d slept on creased sheets, and his own hair was wildly untamed. He was beautiful._

__

_“You look like an angel when you sleep,” Tony commented, smile soft as he looked down at Steve._

__

_Steve smiled back, content in the fact that this was his first time sleeping through the night since they found him._

 

There were issues, of course. No relationship was perfect, and Steve and Tony definitely weren’t the exception. There was Ultron, and Sokovia...

And The Accords.

**PRESENT DAY**

Steve’s fingers itched to grab the phone. He clenched his hands into fists to stop himself.

_May 29th._

_Happy birthday, my love._

He’d waited for the phone to ring everyday for the better part of a year now, but Tony wasn’t going to call. He knew that- it didn’t mean he had to be okay with it though. He knew it was his fault. He shouldn’t have let this happen. But no one - not even Tony - could possibly understand what it was like to lose everything you knew. To lose everyone you loved, just to be told you didn’t have to.

_If I could do it all again, I’d choose you. You know I would._

He missed Tony like a limb, or an organ- he wasn’t sure how to function without him. How to be happy without him.

_Mom told me I wouldn’t have to be lonely._

And she was right, wasn’t she? Tony was everything to Steve. On speaking terms or not, knowing that the other man was safe was almost enough for Steve. Almost.

However, he couldn’t help but think about whether his love was lonely without him. 

_You won’t have to be lonely, il mio amore. You have me now._

_And you have me._

May 29th. Happy birthday, Tony.

Steve almost didn’t hear it. Almost disregarded it as part of his daydream, almost ignored it. But he didn’t.

The phone was ringing.

“Tony?” Steve picked up the phone, eyes wide in desperation and hope.

Silence on the other end of the line.

“Hello?” He spoke again.

Tony took a deep, shaky breath, before speaking into the phone.  
“You said if I needed you, you’d be there. Did you mean that?”

He shut his eyes, trembling slightly. Tony sounded tired, the kind of tired that couldn’t be cured with sleep. Steve could hear the frustration in every word, the barely held back anger seeping into his voice.

He deserved that much.

Steve knew this was the closest Tony would ever get to admitting he needed him. He couldn’t ruin it.

 _I love you._ He didn’t say. _I’m so sorry._ He didn’t say.  
_I need you too._

“Say the word and I swear to you, I will be there.” Steve promised, quietly but firmly, ear pressed close to the phone.

Tony sighed slightly in resignation.

“Happy birthday,” Steve said automatically, holding back a choked sob.

 

“It’s just like you to bring that up right now.”

 

Steve could’ve cried. Tony was smiling, he could tell. He had every single one of Tony’s facial and vocal expressions memorised to heart. He couldn’t forget them if he tried.

“Yeah, well you seem to be the only person who doesn’t care about it.” Steve teased back, grateful for these few moments of happiness, before Tony inevitably shouted at him and told him he was never calling again. Instead, Tony chuckled.

 

It was a good minute before he spoke again.

“Come back home.” He whispered.

 

 

 

Steve smiled.


End file.
